Copyright Associated Press Feb 26, 2001
NEW YORK (AP) After dozens of publishers turned down "Not
Child's Play," editor Risa Shaw published it herself. A
jolting anthology of prose and poems by women who, like herself,
depict sexual abuse by their brothers.
Some of her 35 contributors use only first names or pseudonyms,
but more than half use their real full names. A few write
of eventual reconciliation with their brothers; others still
seethe over abuse that scarred their childhood.
"He should bungee jump without a cord," writes Meikil
Berry of her brother. "He should never be happy, satisfied,
blessed, understood, free or forgiven."
Sibling incest is an age-old phenomenon, figuring in Greek
mythology, Wagner's operas and many modern novels. But Shaw
says "Not Child's Play," published in November,
is unique in giving an assertive voice to survivors of what
is one of the most hidden forms of sexual abuse.
"The voices and stories in this book speak to survival
of brother- sister incest," she writes in the introduction.
"They show us that our experiences are not isolated incidents
and that we are not to blame. They can help us shed our shame."
Shaw, 41, is a sign-language interpreter and teacher in Takoma
Park, Md. She told her parents in 1984 that her brother abused
her, and tried with little success to find books and articles
that would bring some comfort or insight.
"There's more attention paid to father-daughter incest,"
she said in a telephone interview. "Sibling incest is
sometimes mentioned, but it's never at the forefront."
Her goal is for the book to encourage girls _ and parents
_ to respond more rapidly and boldly when sibling incest occurs.
"Our families did not protect us against incest; often
they permitted the brothers' actions to continue without intervention,"
Shaw writes. "I want the brothers to see that they used
their power over their sisters in inappropriate and destructive
and hurtful ways."
Shaw said her relationship with her brother "continues
to evolve." She withholds his first name from the book,
but describes in detail confronting him 15 years after the
abuse.
"He says we never did anything that we both didn't agree
to," Shaw writes. "How could I have 'disagreed'
when I felt totally intimidated, scared to death of my big
brother and so ashamed that I wanted to bury myself alive?"
Amy Blake, 38, a therapist in Ferndale, Mich., writes about
abuse by two older brothers that she says started when she
was 5 and lasted more than six years. She said she had no
qualms about using her real name in the book.
"It seemed like such an important thing to do,"
she said. "I've worked with a lot of women who've been
abused by their brother _ there's this misconception it wasn't
real abuse because it wasn't their father or another adult."
Ann Russek, 34, a poet and part-time teacher at Muhlenberg
College in Allentown, Pa., has told her students that she
contributed a poem to the anthology about incest committed
by her brother.
The poem describes Russek attending the wedding of the previously
divorced brother and wondering if he had molested a daughter
from his first marriage. The poem reads in part:
"Did you touch her, like you once did me
"Behind locked bedroom and closed closet doors?"
Russek has had long conversations with her husband about the
incest and is confident her experiences won't adversely affect
her two young daughters.
Another contributor, writer Mary Diane Hausman, said she didn't
come to terms with her childhood abuse until her late 30s,
and is now working on a semi-biographical novel.
"It has blown open the secret of incest in my family,"
she writes in "Not Child's Play." "When I shared
my writing with my younger sister and nieces, they revealed
to me that they too had been molested."
One of the few recent books dealing at length with sibling
incest is "Sibling Abuse Trauma," co-authored in
1998 by California psychologist John Caffaro and his wife,
mental health consultant Allison Conn-Caffaro.
They interviewed more than 70 survivors of sibling abuse, and
believe it is more common than father-daughter abuse.
"Parents conceal the involvement of their children. Their
first response is to try to handle it themselves," Caffaro
said.
Boys were the perpetrators in 83 percent of the sibling-abuse
cases the Caffaros studied, mostly victimizing sisters but
occasionally younger brothers.
Richard Weinberger, a psychologist with Alpha House, a sex-
offender treatment program in Minneapolis, said sibling abuse
poses immense challenges for parents.
"If the parents go to any kind of helping professional,
that professional is mandated to tell the police or child
protection service," Weinberger said. "It's a huge
consequence. The boy may be charged; there may be an out-of-home
placement."
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